Venting provides support but not perspective. When we approach others for help, we need two things from them: support and perspective. That’s one of the reasons why so many people like to vent: it’s nice to know someone cares enough about us to listen and validate how we feel. You may think venting works because it makes you feel closer and more connected to the person you’re talking to. You keep talking about what’s bothering you, fanning the flames of your negative feelings and keeping them alive. If a friend says, “Can I vent for a minute?” your response is likely an emphatic “Of course!” as you let them complain as much as they want.īut research shows that venting doesn’t help you feel better about your problems, and it can even make you feel worse over time. You’ve probably heard that advice before, too, and even practiced it.

Reach out to your spouse or a friend, she said, and release your feelings. One piece of advice she offered for dealing with these difficulties? The first few months of parenthood will have lows, not just highs, the instructor cautioned. Shortly before the session ended, the speaker turned to the topic of managing our emotions and the chatter in our heads. Shortly before my wife, Lara, gave birth to our first child, we went through a parental rite of passage: baby boot camp.įor a full day, we sat in an auditorium with other (mostly) excited soon-to-be parents, listening intently to experts teach us how to change diapers, warm bottles, and swaddle babies. This is the second of a two-part series on chatter you can read the first piece here. Today, I’ve asked Ethan Kross to share his tip of the week.

Ethan chatter